Happy Belated Mothers Day...
I often wonder how different my life would be if my mother was different. Don't get me wrong. I lay any blame on my own shoulders. But I know that many of my rebellious issues stem from my mothers newfound love of Judaism, oh we grew up frum and all. But this is FRUM.... different stuff.
I prefer my God, He's a lot more chilled and forgiving.
Her God- now that's a whole other story.
Pictures courtesy of PostSecret
I love my mother, I really do. But there are times I believe my subconscious does not. I bear an enormous amount of resentment towards her. I love her so much, I dislike her that much too. I tell her I love her because I know thats what she wants to hear. I hurt her because I know I can. I resent her for making me grow up too fast. For making me the mother of her children. She is my mother. She helps me when I have a crisis, will drop everything to help me. I don't know what I want from her. I want her to show me how much she loves me. So I test her over and over again.
Why do we hurt those we love the most?
I love her so much it hurts.
I hate her so much it is painful.
I prefer my God, He's a lot more chilled and forgiving.
Her God- now that's a whole other story.
Pictures courtesy of PostSecret
I love my mother, I really do. But there are times I believe my subconscious does not. I bear an enormous amount of resentment towards her. I love her so much, I dislike her that much too. I tell her I love her because I know thats what she wants to hear. I hurt her because I know I can. I resent her for making me grow up too fast. For making me the mother of her children. She is my mother. She helps me when I have a crisis, will drop everything to help me. I don't know what I want from her. I want her to show me how much she loves me. So I test her over and over again.Why do we hurt those we love the most?
I love her so much it hurts.
I hate her so much it is painful.
posted by Rachel at
9:29 PM
5 Comments:
Sounds like my relationship with my father...
By
Unknown, at 3:25 AM
I think we are that way to the people we know are unconditional. We like to test the parameters of that.
Does your mom want you to take on chumrahs that you're not ready to?
By
kasamba, at 1:52 PM
It's not mutually exclusive, you can hurt those you love (intentionally so) and yet hate them for certain actions, which does not mean you don't love the whole person.
Perhaps it’s a desperate way of ‘cleaning away’ the things that you wish that person had never said or done.
By
Pragmatician, at 5:23 AM
Your ambivalent feelings toward your mother can maybe be explained with this analysis:
You are a human being and in order for you to be happy you have to let all your human faculties and potentials grow and express themselves. By doing this you allow your individuality to assert itself; you become a human being. Your mother probably loves with a nuanced “sadistic love”, meaning, she doesn’t want to let you go, she doesn’t want you to assert your individuality. She therefore tries to have an overbearing influence on your life causing you much anxiety.
Your unconscious registers this “sadistic love” and represses it. However, it spurts out and expresses itself with hateful feelings towards your mother.
By
AC, at 9:02 PM
Pretzels, you have it all wrong, and at the risk of being slightly rude, you often have the TOTALLY wrong picture. My mom was never over protective. Not at all. Dunno where you got all that psychobabble, but it does not pertain to me.
By
Rachel, at 11:44 PM
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