Summer Break keeps my mind in overdrive...
I thought summer break from school would give me a chance to calm down, to relax.
That is not how things are working out. My mind is in overdrive, I've been trying to plan my life.
Should I go to school full time, should I continue in night school. Is my job right for me. Should I quit and just go to school. What if I end up with too many loans.
Why won't the gov't grant me more money...
My best friend has a hug party for her son's first birthday, hall caterer, DJ... You name it- she had it. This is her second child.
What was I doing there. The only single person in the room, owing and aahing over everyone's babies. Im Yirtzeh Hashem-by-you's flowing like water. Pitying eyes. I don't pity myself. I'm 21 for God sakes. So don't give me something I won't give myself.
I want to travel. I want to LIVE my life. I want my life to play out like Moulin Rouge- only without the death. I want to feel, to live, to love.
"Always this ridiculous obsession with LOVE" Moulin Rouge
Why is it that I am not content to live my life as others do. Why can't I be happy with a simple life?
My friend decided she wants to set me up with the guy who came to fix her computer. She says he's Ashkenazi. As if that's enough to make a marriage work. Scrape the barrel- why don't you.
Tomorrow I am taking my sisters to Max and Mina's in Queens. Stalk me if you wish!
"You can't catch me- I'm the Gingerbread Man" So I am.
My head is swimming with idea's and notions and things I want to do.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless you live here- then it tends to be dried out.
What do I want to do with my life? I thought I would be happier with a break from school. Now I see how much I miss it. I miss feeling smart. I miss having people to talk to- I miss having something concrete to complain about.
I can start complaining again in September- when I start again.
I guess there really isn't much to update here. I am restless- never a good trait. Everyone is on vacation and I will work. (Truthfully, most people I know are working, but my mind keeps trying to trick me) "Silly Rabbit- Tricks are for Kids" So they are.
Think there will ever come a time where I will be content?
Life is fine, I've got a good job, got awesome grades this semester, have some money in the bank, am on good terms with my family. But something is missing.
"But that's not now. That's then" -Annie -the musical.
That is not how things are working out. My mind is in overdrive, I've been trying to plan my life.
Should I go to school full time, should I continue in night school. Is my job right for me. Should I quit and just go to school. What if I end up with too many loans.
Why won't the gov't grant me more money...
My best friend has a hug party for her son's first birthday, hall caterer, DJ... You name it- she had it. This is her second child.
What was I doing there. The only single person in the room, owing and aahing over everyone's babies. Im Yirtzeh Hashem-by-you's flowing like water. Pitying eyes. I don't pity myself. I'm 21 for God sakes. So don't give me something I won't give myself.
I want to travel. I want to LIVE my life. I want my life to play out like Moulin Rouge- only without the death. I want to feel, to live, to love.
"Always this ridiculous obsession with LOVE" Moulin Rouge
Why is it that I am not content to live my life as others do. Why can't I be happy with a simple life?
My friend decided she wants to set me up with the guy who came to fix her computer. She says he's Ashkenazi. As if that's enough to make a marriage work. Scrape the barrel- why don't you.
Tomorrow I am taking my sisters to Max and Mina's in Queens. Stalk me if you wish!
"You can't catch me- I'm the Gingerbread Man" So I am.
My head is swimming with idea's and notions and things I want to do.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless you live here- then it tends to be dried out.
What do I want to do with my life? I thought I would be happier with a break from school. Now I see how much I miss it. I miss feeling smart. I miss having people to talk to- I miss having something concrete to complain about.
I can start complaining again in September- when I start again.
I guess there really isn't much to update here. I am restless- never a good trait. Everyone is on vacation and I will work. (Truthfully, most people I know are working, but my mind keeps trying to trick me) "Silly Rabbit- Tricks are for Kids" So they are.
Think there will ever come a time where I will be content?
Life is fine, I've got a good job, got awesome grades this semester, have some money in the bank, am on good terms with my family. But something is missing.
"But that's not now. That's then" -Annie -the musical.
posted by Rachel at
9:32 PM
1 Comments:
YOU WILL BE FINE! I don't know you, I just read your blog, but I am promising you, bli nedar, that everything is going to work out the way it is supposed to. I am 26, and didn't meet my besherte until 3 months ago...and guess what? If I had met him a second earlier, than my life wouldn't have allowed for him to become a part of it. So, I promise you, all of this crazy meshugas is just buliding you up for the right one...and this extra time is allowing him to become an even bigger mensch. Just breathe, work on you, and know that you are doing the things that you need to in order to be a good wife and mother. HaShem will do the rest.
By
Anonymous, at 1:47 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home