Not in a great mindset....
I have finals- I have work. My family is crumbling to pieces before my eyes.
There is nothing I can do about it.
I hate God sometimes. I love the fact that I can absolve myself from guilt by blaming it on Him.
I really don't hate God, I'm just so scared that there isn't a plan in this world.
I am scared my whole life will be like this, working to pay my rent, and sitting home alone, on my bed, typing term papers on great writers, psychologists, and sociologist, knowing at best- I will end up being mediocre.
In my house, being mediocre is a sin. You are the best at what you do- or you do not try... Most of us do not try.
I want to cry, because I am so confused. I want to know where my life will take me.
Will I be destined to sit home alone, forever? I'm only 21.
I can't ever remember loving God. That makes me one very F******D up Jew.
posted by Rachel at
9:36 PM
9 Comments:
You really think every frum jew loves G-d? One thing I've learned in my 20 (almost 21 -- woohoo!) years on earth; most people are just as confused/angry/scared as everyone else... some are just better at faking it. Just know, you are not alone.
By
Unknown, at 8:34 AM
Identification is a great thing. No I don't think the fact that I identify with your struggles will change your life much but I hope it will make it easier to know that I identify. But I would change one thing- your questions and struggles and hate don't make you a fucked up a jew they make you a real jew...I would love to correspond in email...
By
FrumSingleGuy, at 8:35 AM
Hey... please remember that while things look dim for now you are like you say, only 21... there is so much ahead of you... there is so much hope for the future, just imagine what life has in store for you, what wonderful surprises - good or bad... they make you alive! Please dont give into these sad thoughts, I can tell from your blog that you are very special!
By
FrumGirl, at 4:36 PM
You know me, I was gonna try to give some good advice, but the previous four took it away...
Overlook the downside of things and concentrate on the positive. Tracht Gut Vet Zein Gut. It sounds trite but it really works, it does. You are normal and if you only give it the chance, this melancholy will pass.
By
Nemo, at 1:12 AM
Just know that G-d loves you regardless.
I know everyone says 'you're only 21' but you are and things WILL get better!
By
kasamba, at 12:01 PM
Thanks everyone, for your support.
I guess I just feel more alone in my feelings- than I actually am.
I am starting to feel better, as I just took my last final today, so except for the term paper I need to hand in- I am done! Three precious months of freedom await me!
By
Rachel, at 9:50 PM
i dont think saying ' you're only 21, it will get better' means much, i dont beleive things get better, but you do develop better tools and coping skills to deal with them. just be patient.. things really do start to fall into place. my advice is - talk to g-d. how can you have a relationship with no communication? you want to feel closer, understand Him, have a good loving positive relationship - talk to Him. thats my advice.\
good luck!
By
anonym00kie, at 11:33 AM
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
By
Anonymous, at 12:47 AM
Sorry you feel this way can you update us?
By
socialworker/frustrated mom, at 12:07 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home